Thursday, July 10, 2008

#1 White Women (guys)

(A JAM C) I have three brothers and a sister who are all biracial like I am.  It's just funny how things have worked out over the years.  My oldest sister dated many black men, and is about to marry a black man next May (the subject of another post).  However, none of my brothers have ever come close to dating a black woman.  I have dated three girls in my life, and they have all been white.  While I never objected to dating a black woman, the opportunity just never arose.

My older brothers are both married to white women, and I'll also be married to one very soon.  I don't know a whole lot a men my age who are mixed black and white... I know that it is becoming less and less taboo, but you still don't find many guys who are mixed black and white and are older than 20.  With that being said, I don't know a single MB&W guy who is dating or has ever dated a woman who is darker than he is.  Why is that the case?  Perhaps I can suggest a few reasons.

1. Intimidation - Black women are different than white women... is that the understatement of the century?  I don't want this to sound racist at all, but there's something much more scary about getting a black woman angry.  When a white woman gets angry, it's funny... go give her a hug, and tell her that everything is going to be alright.  Offer her some low-fat vanilla frozen yogurt, and pop in one of her "Friends" DVDs, preferably the episode where Rachel sees the prom video.  Black women, however, are a much different story.
Go ahead, try to anger a black woman... I'll wait...
Are you still alive?  An angry black woman will eat you alive and spit you out.  If you hear a "mmm" you better brace yourself, if you hear a "no you didn't," run until you can't breathe anymore, and if she starts snapping her fingers and pulling her earrings off, say hi to God for me... because you're already dead.  Black men know how to deal with this because they have mothers and sisters who are 100% black... which leads me to my second point.

2.  Lack of experience with black women in the home.  If you're a male, and you're mixed black and white, that means that your dad is black, and your mom is white.  There's a few situations where it is the other way around, but I would say that 80-90% of MB&W guys have black dads.  Because of that, they don't grow up in a home with black women, and they don't get the 18 years of experience needed to stand tall around a beautiful, strong, black woman.  Black men, get a wealth of experience in this area, and the brunt of their experience comes from a common source... momma.  If you're a black man, you already know what I'm talking about.  If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.  You ain't happy, pops ain't happy, your siblings ain't happy, your dog ain't happy, your dead ancestors ain't happy.  Along with that, if you're the reason why momma ain't happy, then you can only take comfort in the fact that she won't kill you.  Everything else is fair game.  While black children grow up, they're equipped with the necessary tools needed to make momma happy, and that's all that matters.  Despite all of that, black men LOVE their mothers... it shouldn't be any other way.  When black men are looking for a wife, they want a woman a lot like momma.  In other words, they want a strong black woman... except for when the go for white women... which I won't complain about, because that's why I'm alive.  MB&W men don't get the same exposure at an early age.  It is like trying to learn Chinese at the age of 18 instead of from childhood. 
Anyway, a MB&W man might not last very long in a relationship with a black woman.  I don't know.  I'm not acting like I know it all, but at least I have a little bit of insight from my experiences.


christy said...

Alex and friend.. this blog is HILARIOUS! I just read every post. And this particular post is my favourite.. it makes logical sense.. and had me in stitches just about laughing (well if i could laugh out loud and make noise.. it is late and i don't want to wake people.. but i am laughing hard on the inside!) But this post makes sense as well in some of the friends I have... don't mess... hahaha

Allison said...

I don't even know how I stumbled on to this site, but after I read your profile and then your first post, I thought you might be MY brother (yes, yes, I know we're not all related), seeing as they both date white women named Sarah, and one is soon to be married. Alas, I also have 3 MB&W sisters and 3 100% black sisters (as you describe them), so, that rules you out as one of my bros, given your family makeup.

I have a 3rd point to add to this blog though...the fact that Daddy married a white woman! All little boys want to be like their daddys, if they have them around, so I think that plays a big part in it too. Add that to your list.

Oh, and the whole 9 of us are, as of June 5th, over the age of 20. Big ups for the biracial world.


A Jam C said...

Wow, Allison, it definitely seems like we come from similar backgrounds!

LesDoigtsDansLeNez said...

I hate to be negative since I appreciate what you're attempting to do here what with increasing racial understanding and all. Unfortunately, I can't help but feel like you're perpetuating the same mentality that resents the existence of you and your siblings.

Maybe people tend to prejudice against what they don't know, but sometimes it's better to say, "I don't know or understand" than to try to make up a reason. In the past black men have had a terrible rapport publicly. Watch Carmen Jones (1954) and you'll know exactly what I mean. Now it's less popular to stereotype black men as violent, rage fueled animals and as a result of the change in *reputation* interracial relationships between black men and women of multiple ethnicities do pretty well. Somehow, though it's suddenly popular (check some media history because this perception is New) to view black women as belligerent "enforcers" that somehow can't understand a hug and comfort if they're mad because their minds are only computing "Rage" and "Must Kill". How is this okay?

Say, "I have this preference because I go with what I know." Say, "I have this preference because That's Just Who I am." Say, "I have this preference and quite honestly, I couldn't tell you why," but it's very ignorant and very offensive frankly to paint a negative picture of an entire group of people based on conjecture. I expect better in 2008. Heck, I expect better from the kind of person who'd make a website like this one.

Anonymous said...

You are very funny. I am married to a MB&W man (and I'm white) and he's over the age of 20. We don't meet many that fit that description either. I almost thought that it was my husband's secret blog when I started reading it. I'm going to tell all his brothers and sisters about it. It's so funny because his one sister that is married (or was) was married to a black guy, now she's dating a black guy and both my husband and his brother are married to white women. SO I have an idea for another post, Interracial couples love to hang out with other interracial couples.